I gotta just let some stuff out.

I love Rich with all my heart, but it hurts me so much to know that one little thing like finding a guy attractive could very well destroy our relationship. No matter how much I tell him and show him that I love him and only him, it doesn't matter, cuz he's always going to think that I'm in some way being unfaithful, even if I'm not. It's something we constantly fight about. I can't stand it. I can't stand the fighting. I just want things to work. I want it so bad. And I try so hard but it feels like it doesn't matter. I feel like I'm always the one trying and trying to change myself for him, but he won't even change things for me. It hurts. But I keep trying. I love him so much and I want this to work.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

I miss my Richie. I've been calling for like the past hour and a half and no one's answering the phone. I told him earlier that I was going to call him tonight. I wonder what's going on. This isn't like him. Ha, maybe I'm just overreacting or something. I dunno. I'm lonely though. Poop. ='(

*sigh* So nothing really happened today. Went to school, came home, did homework, talked to Rich, slept, the usual stuff. Gah, I hate the mood I'm in right now. I'm soooooo lonely, it fuckin sucks.

'Fudged in the Head' PLEASE VOTE!!!

What Type of Lunatic are You?
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Sitting in multimedia class again, missing my Richieness. OMG it was so hilarious. Last night I was on the phone with him, and like, he talks in his sleep right..so yeah he was tired or whatever and he started saying some of the weirdest shit. He told me we had kids and that they were sad cuz I yelled at them. I was like "No we don't have kids." And he was like "Yeah we do, how could you not know that?" I busted up laughing, it was so fucking funny. Then he said some shit about Mexicans taking some signs down and he was telling me that his friend Robbie's girlfriend Ashley was yelling in his ear about how Robbie is an asshole but that it's all her and she's the one who's a bitch. Oh man, it was so hilarious. I wish I could have recorded it. Hahahahahaha man I'm cracking up just thinking about it. He was also talking about Target or something lol. And then he started acting like I was actually there instead of on the phone. Oh man, it was weird but fucking hilarious. I'm going to talk to him in his sleep more often. Entertaining stuff. He's also really honest about things too haha. I asked him about his exes and he was like "I was really really desperate" lol. Oh man. Hahaha. Well I gotta go. I'll write more later.




<3 Zenia

I can't help myself. I need to quit messing with my layout and just be happy. But I just can't quit changing it. Eeeeeerrgghh.

Hahahehehehoho

I am 55% Emo

Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater.

Take the Emo Test at fuali.com

This year I actually have a valentine. I've never really had a valentine before. It's usually just me, all alone by my lonely emo self. So this is quite a welcome change. If you've been reading my blog you know who my valentine is. He's the bestest guy ever. Heh. <3

Dude, why do you even bother reading my journal? What the hell are you hoping to find? I don't get it. I'm not the one that needs to get over things, I think it's YOU.

What color are you? (Anime Pictures)
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you are either a record nerd or not a scenester at
all. you are the coolest of the bunch. bravo,
dude.

what type of lame scenester are you?
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You are guided by light. While all can be bad
around you, you still stay calm and make things
better. There aren't a lot of people in the
world like you. (Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
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